My spouse died: Do I really need to wait a year to move?

Nearly all experts say to wait at least six months to a year after a death or divorce before making big lifestyle changes like moving. Sometimes it is just not possible to allow yourself that much time. When that is the case, understanding the thinking behind this advice may help one avoid the pitfalls of making a quick move.


When a person loses a spouse, it changes everything. If it was a long marriage the survivor has been functioning as a half of a team for such a long time that making decisions alone is a totally new skill. In a marriage of shorter duration loss of a spouse manifests as loss of a future. It can feel like you do not know where you are going. In either case, adjusting to the new reality is a daunting task in and of itself. 


Moving a household is third in the top three life stressors. Numbers one and two on that list are death of a spouse and divorce. That is why experts never suggest you take on moving when you have lost a spouse if it can be avoided. Moving is putting stress on top of stress.


However, sometimes there is not a choice. When that is the case, understand you will not be thinking as clearly as you normally would. You will also be tired; grieving takes a lot of energy. Consider taking smaller, less permanent steps. Perhaps rent instead of buying a home. If you can, stay near your old home. That will mean less change. You will not be totally lost. You can shop at the same grocery and go to the same doctor. You will be able to continue activities and see friends.


Moving always means packing and sorting belongings. That is a tall order under normal conditions; add grieving to the mix and it may feel overwhelming. Ask for help or hire help. If you can swing it, rent storage for six months and give yourself the gift of time. When you have lost the person you loved, objects associated with that person take on a heightened importance. Lightening your load to make a smaller space work for you or just to make the move itself more affordable may be overwhelming. If you can afford the luxury of putting off difficult sorting decisions, consider it money well spent. Be kind to yourself.


When it comes to the larger furniture pieces, plan carefully. The big stuff usually has less emotion attached to it and it is the costliest to move. Measure your sofa, bed, and dining table. Go to your proposed new space and tape off the space where you plan to place these large objects. If the sofa is going to be too large do not move it, sell or donate instead. Use the dollars you save on moving to purchase pieces that fit your new space. 


The important thing is that you are able to rest and relax in your new space. That will not be possible if it is stuffed with too many items. You need room to breathe. You don’t need to feel overwhelmed by objects.


Most importantly, ask for help and accept offers of help. Be specific about what you need your helpers to do. Let go. No one will do everything exactly as you would. Lean in, take a deep breath, eat healthy, and rest.


Smith Family Funeral Homes provides quality funeral, memorial and cremation services to the families of Central Arkansas. Their six locations can be found in Little Rock, North Little Rock, Westbrook, Sherwood, Benton and Arkadelphia. With a privately-owned crematory operated by licensed professionals, Smith Family Funeral Homes can guarantee their high standard of care throughout the cremation process. To learn more, visit smithfamilycares.com.

What Happens at a Visitation?

By Smith Family • February 5, 2025
Human beings are social. We crave the company of others. During times of stress our friends comfort us, they listen to us, and share our troubles. When someone we love dies, we need our people.

What’s the Benefit of Paying for My Funeral in Advance?

By Smith Family • February 5, 2025
Planning for your end-of-life ceremony, your funeral, has many benefits. Some of them are practical, some are emotional, and some are financial. For some, planning in advance actually helps them live a better, more purpose-driven life.

Eating Alone Is Hard

By Smith Family • February 5, 2025
For a person who has lost a life partner, a husband or a wife, mealtime is often the most challenging time of their day. It is sometimes difficult to muster the desire or skill necessary for meal preparation. Sometimes it is just hard to deal with the expanse of the table when no one else is sharing the space. So, it becomes too much trouble to cook for one or to eat alone.

Does Everyone Go Through the Five Stages of Grief?

By Smith Family • January 6, 2025
What does grief look like? It’s a question that’s been asked for centuries, and it’s difficult to answer because grief looks different to different people. But we’ve often been told that the grieving process follows a certain path, which is commonly called the five stages of grief. Does everyone go through the five stages? And if they don’t, how do they know if they’re grieving properly?

Attention to Detail Matters in a Funeral Director

By Smith Family • January 6, 2025
When you work with a funeral director, you’ll quickly find that they don’t just look at the big picture. They want to know details, from how you want your loved one to look to how you want some of their most precious items to be featured. Here are just a few of the details that a funeral director needs to know to ensure that they plan a funeral that’s perfect for your loved one.

Dealing with Grief on the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Passing

By Smith Family • January 6, 2025
There are many days throughout the year that remind us of our loved ones who are no longer with us physically. We find ourselves thinking of them on their birthdays, special holidays, or anniversaries. The anniversary of their passing can be an especially difficult day. Experiencing grief on this day is natural, but it can be overwhelming and painful. Here are a few tips to help you get through this challenging day.

Why Have a Funeral Service

By Smith Family • January 6, 2025
When a loved one passes, one of the first questions that often gets asked is when the funeral will be held. It’s assumed that a funeral will be the way in which family and friends say a final farewell, but do you have to have a funeral? While no law makes it so that you have to hold a funeral in a loved one’s honor, you may want to consider what you could miss out on when you decide against a funeral.

The 20 Best Songs to Play at a Funeral

By Smith Family • November 25, 2024
Music affects us. Whether it makes us laugh from silly lyrics or cry from a meaningful melody, music has the power to make us feel something. Choosing music for a funeral can help set the tone of the service and mirror the spirit of our loved one. Take a look at some of the best and most popular songs played at funerals to inspire your own choices.

5 Things Not to Do When Someone Is Grieving and What to Do Instead

By Smith Family • November 25, 2024
When a friend loses a loved one, you want to do what you can to help them through this difficult time. But what does that support look like? Sometimes, when we attempt to help friends who are grieving, we end up saying and doing things that may not be all that beneficial. Some common attempts to be of service may actually be better off avoided. What should you not do when a friend is grieving?

What’s the Best Thing to Say to Someone at a Funeral?

By Smith Family • November 25, 2024
When someone passes, what should you say to the people they leave behind? It’s a tricky question. You want to be respectful and acknowledge their loss. You don’t want to diminish their grief, but you also don’t want to say something that may upset them when they’re already experiencing many emotions. When you greet a family member at their loved one’s funeral, what's the best thing to say?
More Posts