The loneliness that accompanies the death of someone we care about is complex and individual. For those who for many years woke every morning alongside a husband or wife, it is strange to open your eyes and realize you are alone. In the early days of grief, the void that is left when a life partner dies, can feel like a black hole with no way out. 

 

A grieving person can even feel lonely in a crowd. The loneliness that comes with grief is not just because you are without company; it is because you are not with the person you want to be with. Loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings of grief because it is not a choice. It is not the same as deciding to be alone to have quiet time. Unlike solitude, which can be restful or even reenergizing, loneliness zaps a person’s energy and feels heavy. 

 

It is important to remember that grieving is work. It is a verb. Griefwork is something we do. Its goal is not to forget the person we loved; it is to weave the loss into a healthy life moving forward. The antidote for loneliness is to engage with people. It may be difficult at first, but over time with consistent effort, the heaviness will lift, and you will emerge.

 

Return to activities that you enjoyed in the past. Reconnect with friends, work, church. Stick with it. It may be difficult to concentrate at first or hard to engage in what might feel frivolous now. But give it a little time and give yourself a little time. Your enthusiasm for an activity you liked in the past is likely to come back with a little time.

 

Volunteer. Doing something that helps others is a wonderful way to step out of your own concerns.

 

Speak to the people who serve you. Say a few words to the checkout person at the grocery. Thank the waitress. As you drive through the bank or to get your coffee just say good morning or thank you. Every little connection helps.

 

Keep a journal.  Express your feelings. It will help.

 

Check your calendar. Be sure you have something scheduled at least once a week that will require you to engage with others. As the song lyrics go, “People who need people are the luckiest people”.

 

Listen to music. If the silence is deafening, get some background music going.

 

Eat your elephant one bite at a time. Give yourself a task or three to complete each day. Make a list or write in your journal and tick your tasks off as you complete them. That little check mark can be very satisfying and giving yourself a few small things to get done each day can keep you from being overwhelmed.

 

Ask. Ask a friend out for lunch or to a movie or for a walk. Ask for help with some of your tasks. 

 

Consider grief counseling. Too often we think we only get counseling help when we are at the end of our tether. We wait until we are suffering greatly. Why not acknowledge early on that grieving is going to be difficult and get help sooner rather than later? There really is no need to wait until one hits the bottom of a well to reach for a helping hand. Find someone who specializes in grief counseling. If you don’t know where to find such a person check with your funeral director, he or she will likely be familiar with services available in your area.

 


www.smithfamilycares.com

Smith Family Funeral Homes provides quality funeral, memorial and cremation services to the families of Central Arkansas. Their six locations can be found in Little Rock, North Little Rock, Westbrook, Sherwood, Benton and Arkadelphia. With a privately-owned crematory operated by licensed professionals, Smith Family Funeral Homes can guarantee their high standard of care throughout the cremation process. To learn more, visit smithfamilycares.com.

By Smith Family February 5, 2025
Human beings are social. We crave the company of others. During times of stress our friends comfort us, they listen to us, and share our troubles. When someone we love dies, we need our people.
By Smith Family February 5, 2025
Planning for your end-of-life ceremony, your funeral, has many benefits. Some of them are practical, some are emotional, and some are financial. For some, planning in advance actually helps them live a better, more purpose-driven life.
By Smith Family February 5, 2025
For a person who has lost a life partner, a husband or a wife, mealtime is often the most challenging time of their day. It is sometimes difficult to muster the desire or skill necessary for meal preparation. Sometimes it is just hard to deal with the expanse of the table when no one else is sharing the space. So, it becomes too much trouble to cook for one or to eat alone.
By Smith Family January 6, 2025
What does grief look like? It’s a question that’s been asked for centuries, and it’s difficult to answer because grief looks different to different people. But we’ve often been told that the grieving process follows a certain path, which is commonly called the five stages of grief. Does everyone go through the five stages? And if they don’t, how do they know if they’re grieving properly?
By Smith Family January 6, 2025
When you work with a funeral director, you’ll quickly find that they don’t just look at the big picture. They want to know details, from how you want your loved one to look to how you want some of their most precious items to be featured. Here are just a few of the details that a funeral director needs to know to ensure that they plan a funeral that’s perfect for your loved one.
By Smith Family January 6, 2025
There are many days throughout the year that remind us of our loved ones who are no longer with us physically. We find ourselves thinking of them on their birthdays, special holidays, or anniversaries. The anniversary of their passing can be an especially difficult day. Experiencing grief on this day is natural, but it can be overwhelming and painful. Here are a few tips to help you get through this challenging day.
By Smith Family January 6, 2025
When a loved one passes, one of the first questions that often gets asked is when the funeral will be held. It’s assumed that a funeral will be the way in which family and friends say a final farewell, but do you have to have a funeral? While no law makes it so that you have to hold a funeral in a loved one’s honor, you may want to consider what you could miss out on when you decide against a funeral.
By Smith Family November 25, 2024
Music affects us. Whether it makes us laugh from silly lyrics or cry from a meaningful melody, music has the power to make us feel something. Choosing music for a funeral can help set the tone of the service and mirror the spirit of our loved one. Take a look at some of the best and most popular songs played at funerals to inspire your own choices.
By Smith Family November 25, 2024
When a friend loses a loved one, you want to do what you can to help them through this difficult time. But what does that support look like? Sometimes, when we attempt to help friends who are grieving, we end up saying and doing things that may not be all that beneficial. Some common attempts to be of service may actually be better off avoided. What should you not do when a friend is grieving?
By Smith Family November 25, 2024
When someone passes, what should you say to the people they leave behind? It’s a tricky question. You want to be respectful and acknowledge their loss. You don’t want to diminish their grief, but you also don’t want to say something that may upset them when they’re already experiencing many emotions. When you greet a family member at their loved one’s funeral, what's the best thing to say?
More Posts
Share by: