Betty Lois Hildesheim

Betty Lois Smith Hildesheim, 85, of Conway, passed away Saturday, December 28, 2019. She was born November 18, 1934, in Star City, Arkansas to Marvin and Jewell Smith. She was a member of Perryville First Baptist Church. She was a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother and a superb cook, who loved to garden and watch birds. She loved animals and had numerous pets through the years.

She was preceded in death by her parents. She is survived by her loving husband of 67 years, Clifton Hildesheim, whom she married May 17, 1952 at Benton, Arkansas; her children, Debbie Neal (Steve) of Conway; Wayne Hildesheim (Yin) of Little Rock; Vickey Stevens (Sam); and Beverly Pontius (Doug) all of Conway; one sister, Linda Reid of Chesterfield, Missouri; a brother Jerry Smith of Spring, Texas; eight grandchildren, Jeff Neal (Carey), Kenny Neal, Kevin Neal, Tory Bowren (Britt), Will Pontius, Haley Pontius, Cliff Hildesheim, Cynthia Hildesheim and four great grandchildren, Avery Neal, Abby Neal, Ashley Neal and Liam Pontius.

Prior to her extended illness, Betty’s life centered around her family and close friends. She had been key in operating the family business and prided herself with planning the numerous family events that occurred throughout the years. She lived her life with an indomitable spirit that was contagious.

That was the obituary. Plain facts, about Betty Lois Smith Hildesheim.
But now, I would like to give a little more perspective about Ms. Hildesheim and her life. Let’s call it “Observations of a son-in-law”.
Betty Hildesheim was my mother-in-law. My wife Debbie’s mother.
About 10 pm this past Saturday night my wife Debbie received a call from her sister, Vickey, to come to the nursing home. We met Mr. Hildesheim, Vickey and Beverly at the nursing home, but she (Ms. Betty) had already passed away by the time we arrived. While her death was sudden, (Mr. Hildesheim had just been there a few hours earlier to feed her dinner), it was not unexpected.
Her health had not been good. She had been in a nursing home for several years. Dementia had drained her mind and body. The truth is that the family felt they had already lost her years earlier. Only a shell of the real Betty had been there. We viewed her death as her release from the terrible grip that dementia had on her body and mind. Even so, when you lose a loved one, the finality of it hits hard. Especially when it is a wife, mother, sister and grandmother. It hurts, because Ms. Betty was loved.
Today, I want to tell you a little about my mother-in-law. First, she was a Christian woman, and on this day that makes all the difference. Today, she is with Jesus! With a clear mind and healthy body, she is with the Lord. Praise God!
Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself: that where I am, there ye may be also.” John 14:2,3

Those are comforting words. If you have a “red letter” edition Bible, those words are in red. The Lord Jesus himself spoke those words. Ms. Betty Hildesheim put her faith in the Lord Jesus. She has her spot in heaven.
The Bible says, “By grace are ye saved through faith: and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.” Eph 2:8
GRACE – unmerited favor, my pastor over at Woodland Heights here in Conway, puts it like this … GRACE, … God’s, Riches, At, Christ’s, Expense

Praise God!

Did you notice when I read the obituary… that she was married to her husband, Clifton Hildesheim for 67 years! You just don’t see that much these days. It is rare. What a blessing to her family. Praise The Lord!
Well, she and Clifton did start early, and of course, there is a story to that.
While she was born in Star City, her family later moved to White Hall, Arkansas. Sometime around Junior High School, Clifton caught her eye. She was one grade ahead of Clifton in school. The family teased her through the years as being “the older woman”. Well, the story goes that one day at school she sent one of her girlfriends to fetch Clifton, and bring him to her. Well Clifton went down the hall to meet her, and he barely knew her at the time, but Ms. Betty laid her claim to him, “your mine”. And he was, … smitten with her. They were together, a couple, from then on.
About half way through 11th grade, her family moved to Little Rock, where she attended Central High School. Clifton went to see her on weekends. When she graduated High School at the age of 17, she and Clifton eloped. Do you know what “eloped” means? Well I looked it up, … on google.
It means “run away secretly in order to get married, especially without parental consent”.

They hopped on a bus and went to Benton, where they were married on May 17, 1952 by a Justice of the Peace. The adventure began. Clifton had just finished the 11th grade. He still had one more year of high school. The story goes that they told his parents by placing the marriage license behind a picture on a table in the living room, and said look over there, as they ran out of the house. Remember, this is a marriage that lasted 67 years.
They lived in a trailer behind Clifton’s parents house while he finished the 12th grade. After he graduated, they moved to Little Rock.
They had four children, Debbie in 1954, Wayne in 1957, Vickey in 1959, and Beverly in 1960.
As we go through life, I believe that each one of us has more influence on others than we may ever know. Ms. Betty had influence.
Let me tell you of some observations about Ms. Betty Hildesheim. She loved her sister, Linda. When Betty’s family moved to Little Rock from White Hall she was in High School, she got a part time job at Sterlings Department Store. They were a poor family. With earnings from her job at Sterlings, she bought a doll and gave it to her mother, so her younger sister, Linda, would get something good for Christmas. It is my understanding that Aunt Linda still has the doll.
My mother-in-law was a good looking woman. Did you see some of those pictures that were on display? Mr. Hildesheim, you were a lucky man. I remember when I was dating Debbie. One of my High School friends was with me at the Hildesheim house. He knew I was getting serious about Debbie. When we left, he said, ‘you know Steve, you can tell a lot about how a girl is going to turn out by looking at her mother. Debbie has a good looking mother.”
Ms. Betty Hildesheim had a good sense of humor. She was playful, she liked to cut up, tease, and act silly. I think this is one reason why she enjoyed being around Sam, Chuck, Bill, and Linda. Any time she was with her sister, they cut up, laughed, and had fun. It was my observation, that even later in her life when the grip of dementia was setting in, Linda and Sam could still bring a smile to her face. They were a blessing to her.

Ms. Betty passed the playful trait on to her daughter Debbie, which is a blessing to me.
Ms. Betty Hildesheim was a hard worker. She took care of her husband and reared four children. This was more than a full time job. Cleaning ironing, cooking, sewing clothes, washing clothes, washing kids, packing lunches, getting kids off to school …, she did it all.
The 31st chapter of Proverbs in the Bible, beginning with verse 10 describes “The Capable Wife”. It states that her worth is far above jewels. A few of the verses, state as follows: “The heart of her husband trusts her, And he will have no lack of gain.” …”Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her: Her husband also, and he praises her…” I believe my mother-in-law lived this. She was a true blessing to my father-in-law, and the Hildesheim kids. God blessed the Hildesheim family.
When her husband Clifton started his pump truck and portable toilet business, she helped. That was in addition to the household duties I previously mentioned. She could sew clothes, paint a room, mow a yard, put a portable toilet together, and drive a pump truck.
When Debbie and I moved back home after leaving the Air Force, there was some talk abut using me to help with the business. One day when Clifton was not available, he sent me out with Ms. Betty to do some pumping. She was nervous about driving the truck. There was some issues with the truck, but we headed out. We ended up on McCain with a full load, and trying to go up a hill. I remember getting out of the truck on a busy McCain Blvd, and directing traffic while she backed the truck down, so we could get up some steam and make the hill. She got it done. She was a tough little lady. It was decided that my particular talents would be better suited with the Postal Service, rather than the pump truck business.
But the point is, that both my In-Laws had a strong work ethic. They passed this on to their children. I personally saw it in each one of them. While in the office one day when I worked for Beverly and Doug in their business, Beverly and I struck up a conversation about our children. We were lamenting about some job issues they were having. You know, getting or keeping a job. Beverly said that she grew up in a household where the husband worked, even had more than one job, like two or three.
Ms. Betty Hildesheim was smart. She could pick a stock. Like Walmart or Amazon. She had lots of talents and interests. She became a real estate agent. She helped Debbie and I when we bought a house, with the offer and acceptance. She saved us some money. She was not afraid to try something new, or get her hands dirty. Remember my comments about pump trucks, and the portable toilet business?
I was never very handy with a tool. I remember one instance where something needed to be done at my house, I don’t remember whether it was installing something, or repairing something. I made the comment that I didn’t know how to do it. Ms. Betty said, “read a book”.
She loved books, had a house full of them. She collected a lot of stuff: books, wood carvings of birds, fine china, and silverware. She loved her pets, dogs, cats, etc.
Along the way she made life long friends with co-workers and neighbors. Verna, Vera, and Shirley Rieve were such friends. While the Rieve sisters did not have children of their own, they were close to Ms. Betty’s children. They provided Christmas gifts, and birthday gifts. This tradition continued even to Ms. Betty’s grand kids. She had a very special friendship with the Rieve sisters.
Ms. Betty was also close to one of her prior neighbors, Sandra Halbert, with whom she shared the love of collecting fine china, and silverware.
She loved her children. If they had trouble, it became her trouble. She was a fierce advocate, right in the middle of it. Believe me, having her on your side was a good thing. As Sam wrote in the obituary, “She lived her life with an indomitable spirit that was contagious.”
She was kind and compassionate. The Bible says to honor your parents. She did. She was a caregiver to her mother, for the weeks leading up to her death. Ms. Hildesheim brought her into her home in order to care for her.
Ms. Hildesheim sat with her father, Marvin Smith, for hours, holding his hand while he passed away. Family was very important to her. She honored her parents.
Ms. Hildesheim flew across the country to accompany her sister, Linda, when Linda’s husband, Dick Reid was to have surgery at Walter Reed Hospital. This happened around Thanksgiving, and was the first time that the husbands of Debbie, Vickey, and Beverly experienced the sisters cooking for Thanksgiving rather than Ms. Hildesheim’s. The dinner, especially the dressing did not match up to what we were used to. We still tell that story to this day.

My oldest son Jeff was blessed to have been Betty and Clifton’s first grandchild. For several years, he had their undivided attention. I am grateful that Jeff, Kenny, Kevin, Tory, Will, and Haley got to really know their Granny Hildesheim before the dementia took strong hold.
Debbie and I are thankful that our daughter-in-law Carey made sure that our grandkids, which were Ms. Betty’s great grandchildren, spent time with their “Granny , and Pa Pa Hildesheim”. Carey has the same love of family as Ms. Betty. She makes the effort to have her kids, my grandchildren, Ms. Betty’s great grandchildren, know who their cousins, aunts, and uncles are. Family is important, that is a legacy of Ms. Betty Hildesheim.

Ms. Betty Hildesheim was an excellent cook. Even now when going to a restaurant and we have something really good, it is common for Debbie, Beverly, and Vickey to say, “well that was good, but Mama’s was better”. Her specialty was sweets, like fried pies. Perhaps that is why Mr. Clifton refers to himself “as a sweet hog”. Sam has a good story about that.

Ms. Betty loved to have big family gatherings. When she planned an event, like 4th of July, she went all out. Not only was the food good, but she had decorations, matching plates, cups, placemats, etc. Her hospitality was enormous. She made any guest in her home feel welcome.
Cousin Mike Reid liked to tell the story about one of their trips to Branson MO. In one of the shows they went to, the guy on stage got the audience involved, and wanted to identify those in the audience with a long marriage. Mike’s Uncle Clifton was called on to give his secret for his long marriage. He said something about “loving one woman, and that he was a one woman man.” He was then dubbed the “Love Doctor”. As they were in the parking lot after the show, some women saw Clifton, pointed him out, and said, “look there’s the Love Doctor”.
Dementia is a terrible disease. It had a hold on Ms. Betty, and like a snowball rolling down hill it grew and gathered speed. In the early stages Mr. Hildesheim took care of his wife at the home. He did not want to see her go into a nursing home. But the disease continued to progress. The family finally convinced him that it was time. His own health had begun to suffer. He had been putting off medical procedures that he needed, such as knee replacement, and cataract surgery. In the couple of years that Ms. Betty was in the nursing home, it was Mr. Hildesheim’s practice to go each day to check on her, and feed her dinner.
Mr. Hildesheim loved his wife, his woman. Mr. Hildesheim, sir, you did right by her. You stayed faithful, stood by her throughout her life. Even in the difficult times. Your family observed this. Mr. Hildesheim, sir, please know that we are going to stand by you.

This week, the family has had some time to talk to each other: to retell family stories. We laughed and cried together.
When my own mother was in the hospital about 5 years ago, I picked up a copy of Arkansas Baptist News from one of the waiting rooms. There was an article by Lee McGlone, Pastor at First Baptist Arkadelphia that caught my eye. I believe God led me to it, and it applies now. It was a discussion about the Resurrection of Christ, taken from 1 Corinthians 15, and was written just before Easter that year.

I want to quote from a portion of Pastor McGlones’s article, … “Later in the chapter – in verse 55 – Paul asks two questions: “O death, where is your victory, O death, where is your sting?”
“We know the answer to both. The sting of death is in each tear that rolls down our cheeks and the void felt in our hearts. Death does have a sting.”
“But, in truth, death does not have a victory. Instead, death is the victim, and life is the victor. On Easter morning, we declare the heart of our faith. Life is stronger than death. Jesus Christ reigns. He is our hope, the hope of glory.”

Closing Remarks:

The family wants to express thanks to everyone that came today. Your kind words, a hug, and especially your prayers are appreciated. Your presence, just being here as a show of support means so much to us. Thank you.

Closing Prayer:

Heavenly Father, Thank you for the life of Ms. Betty Lois Hildesheim. What a blessing to her family. Thank you Lord for her faith. Thank you Lord for your grace, for your unmerited favor toward us. Thank you Lord for your loving kindness. Help each of us to realize that in our words and actions each day that we do have influence on the lives of others. Father, I pray that through your Holy Spirit that we can use that influence for Your Honor and Glory.
In Jesus Name, AMEN


There She Is

When I was a little girl, my mother would take me to my grandmother’s house to get ready for a pageant. I would sit in her bedroom as they did my hair and makeup and when I put on my dress she would sing “There She Is, Miss America” as I practiced my walk. I wonder what she would say now that she knows I’m going to Miss USA…

We may have lost her physically, but I feel as though I’ve gained her back in every other way. Before she didn’t remember me, but now she does. Before she didn’t get to see me win Miss Arkansas, but now she’ll see me compete at Miss USA. Before everything felt strained and disjointed, but now it feels peaceful and whole again. And I feel her with me more so now, than since I was a girl.

I see her in melted Yarnell’s vanilla ice cream, classic Barbie dolls, and grandfather clocks. She’s in my mother’s dishes, and our Christmas villages, and in every decorated cake and recipe I make. I feel her on screened in back porches and Sunday morning services. She’s in my modesty and self-respect, the way I carry myself and my femininity, and my love for my home and my family. She’s in me and around me and always will be. And I become more like her every single day. I feel overjoyed to know she’s smiling again, remembering us, and watching us from a peaceful place. I feel glad to know she’s no longer separated from us, but she’s with me now and will be for the rest of my life and into eternity.
-- Haley Rose

* * * * * * * * * *

Betty Lois Smith Hildesheim, 85, of Conway, passed away Saturday, December 28, 2019. She was born November 18, 1934, in Star City, Arkansas to Marvin and Jewell Smith. She was a member of Perryville First Baptist Church. She was a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother and a superb cook, who loved to garden and watch birds. She loved animals and had numerous pets through the years.

She was preceded in death by her parents. She is survived by her loving husband of 67 years, Clifton Hildesheim, whom she married May 17, 1952 at Benton, Arkansas; her children, Debbie Neal (Steve) of Conway; Wayne Hildesheim (Yin) of Little Rock; Vickey Stevens (Sam); and Beverly Pontius (Doug) all of Conway; one sister, Linda Reid of Chesterfield, Missouri; a brother Jerry Smith of Spring, Texas; eight grandchildren, Jeff Neal (Carey), Kenny Neal, Kevin Neal, Tory Bowren (Britt), Will Pontius, Haley Pontius, Cliff Hildesheim, Cynthia Hildesheim and four great grandchildren, Avery Neal, Abby Neal, Ashley Neal and Liam Pontius.

Prior to her extended illness, Betty’s life centered around her family and close friends. She had been key in operating the family business and prided herself with planning the numerous family events that occurred throughout the years. She lived her life with an indomitable spirit that was contagious.
Funeral service for Betty will be 10:00am, Thursday, January 2, 2020, in the chapel of Griffin Leggett Conway. Visitation will be held from 9:00 am until service time. Entombment will follow at Pinecrest Memorial Park Mausoleum, Alexander, Arkansas, under the direction of Griffin Leggett Conway, 1751 Dave Ward Drive, Conway, Arkansas 72034.